I was walking the streets of Portland late one evening when I was stopped by a drunk man who appeared homeless. He asked me for a cigarette and I said I’d give him one, but only if he told me a joke first. The man instantly became furious and his face turned 5 shades of red.

“How dare you tell me I need to get a job! You don’t even know me.” He slurred to me.

“No, sir.” I replied slowly. “A joke. I’m charging you a joke first.”

His whole demeanor changed immediately. He gave me the widest, most toothless smile I’ve ever seen and laughed at his own raunchy joke. Laughter is free and a good joke is priceless.

Having a joke ready at a moment’s notice is a rule I try to live by. In my experience, charging someone a joke for a cigarette or for use of a lighter makes them feel like they earned the cigarette and it reduces the shame that typically comes with begging for a smoke. And it starts the conversation off with laughter!

My go-to joke: What kind of pants does Mario wear?

Denim-denim-denim….

Teehee — did you hear it? The punchline is said to the rhythm of the music from level two of Super Mario Brothers. Most people appreciate the nostalgia, but not everybody laughs at my jokes (and that’s okay). Does this joke count as a pun? Let me know in the comments (while you’re at it, tell me your favorite joke). When I ask for a joke, I never specify that it has to be a good one. This is a guilt and shame free zone, but I do ask that you please keep it appropriate. I always love puns.

I am a naturally shy soul, but I can get pretty rowdy and irreverent when I’m around the right people. That’s why I love spending time with friends; that’s when I’m usually at my happiest. So when people would accuse me of being quiet as if it was a crime, I never knew how to respond except with an apologize.

I am happy when I’m quiet, too. It’s my human nature. My preschool teacher wrote a personality assessment about me when I was five years old. She mentioned that in social groups, I wouldn’t speak unless there was a sense of one-on-one or that I wasn’t feeling threatened. She also said that during social activities I preferred to watch vs participate until I was confident everything was safe. That has not changed about me.

I was raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (i.e. LDS, Mormon) and I am one of seven children from a blended family. Through no fault of my own, I am the third out of those seven kids to come out as gay. I was quiet about this for a long time — it wasn’t safe being gay while living an LDS lifestyle. I told my bishop that I was gay before my mission and I was required to go see a therapist before they’d give me a mission call. I’ve written my story down for others to read so they can decide for themselves if what I experienced was conversion therapy. I mixed all the ingredients to my story together and now my first book is sitting in the oven waiting for me to turn up the heat.

I have always enjoyed writing. When people started telling me that they thought I was a good writer, I started to really love to write. I was once told that my superpower shines through when I’m communicating through writing. I appreciate hearing these things because I have always struggled to identify my own talents and strengths. But don’t worry, I’ve made excellent progress on loving myself in the ways that I need to love me. In fact, that’s why I’m writing this book. I want that for you, too. And maybe my experiences can help.

I love art and animals and music and being outside after it rains. I enjoy painting, artists, and bananas with peanut butter. My preschool teacher said that I liked the outdoors even more than snack time. I am a fan of Star Trek and think it would be fun to jump around on the moon for a couple hours. I have huge respect for the Harry Potter world and I could spend all weekend playing video games.

I dislike failing to quit smoking, angry shouting, oppression, and purple fingernail polish. I don’t like seeing people suffer needlessly. I write to share about the things I’ve suffered and learned by trial an error. It’s my hope that my readers can learn from my mistakes and find comfort in community. Happiness is the absence of suffering and I want that for everyone.

I like to have fun. That’s why I play games like Dungeons and Dragons, trivia, and cards. Despite being raised LDS, I discovered that I had a strong interest in tarot cards. Tarot is not about divination or predicting the future. Rather, the cards help us to look at problems through new and different lenses that you otherwise might not have considered.

Have I mentioned that I think memes are a love language?

Anyways, is there anything in particular you’d like to know about me? Do you have any questions? Concerns? A joke you’d like to tell me? A meme to share? Let me hear it. My life is an open book or two or three.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.

Kind regards,

Wade Beus